


still hurting

by antoniohiggins



Series: tumblr requests (newsies) [7]
Category: Newsies (1992), Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: DO NOT READ THIS IF THE THINGS IN THE TAGS OR WARNINGS ARE UNHEALTHY FOR YOU TO READ, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Fake/Pretend Relationship, He's trying so hard, Heavy Angst, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Rape, Rape Aftermath, Texting, Trans Male Character, also trans!race, but it honestly doesn't matter much, dancer!race, please just be careful there's a lot of bad stuff going on, please stay safe friends, spot is the best boyfriend ever i love him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 06:52:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14014614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antoniohiggins/pseuds/antoniohiggins
Summary: so this one’s a doozy. i’m just going to start with a disclaimer before anyone gets interested and decides to risk reading if it isnt healthy for them. this story will contain very dark and traumatic descriptions and content concerning sexual violence and rape so if that is something that might be dangerous for you to read or could make you too uncomfortable, please please please do not read this. i will not be offended by anyone who chooses not to read, trust me. i care way too much about all of y’all so just stay safe. i’ll have another fic up tonight that is much lighter.ok! so now onto all of the nice people that requested this! thank you to the lovely anon who suggested these two prompts, as well as SomedayonBroadway on ao3 that commented on my story ‘hold on’ with an ask for a fic where race gets drugged and this is what i came up with. i also have to give major props to readeatsleeprepeat on ao3 who wrote one of my favorite sprace fics with a similar theme that i just love so all of you should check that out





	still hurting

**Author's Note:**

> prompts: "i'm not okay" & "there is nothing wrong with you", also the aforementioned comment request

“Spot, come  _on!_  This might be my chance! His mom runs the casting department for the New York City Ballet, I  _have_  to go! Trust me, this date will be completely fake, you know I wouldn’t leave you for anything, let alone this guy, but if it gets me a job, we could finally move out of this shitty place and maybe, I don’t know, take some bigger steps together?” Race was practically begging for Spot to understand, but that really made a difference.

“You’re serious?” He asked shyly, taking Race’s hands with a giddy grin on his face. They had been talking about getting engaged for so long, they had been together for almost five years at that point, but it just wasn’t financially realistic at the time, If this fake-date with some guy Race met in his dance program was the ticket to them eventually being able to  _get married_ , then Spot would be happy to give up his boyfriend for the night.

“You promise you’ll be careful?”

“Babe, you don’t have to worry, I swear. If I have any problems, I’ll call you, but he’s harmless. Plus, I only need to do this until I can find out if he can actually get me an audition or not,” Race teased, earning a small chuckle out of his boyfriend.

“Fine, just let me know what’s happening along the way, okay? And tell him you don’t kiss on the first date,” he smirked, capturing the boy’s lips once more before he slipped out the door. “Love you.”

“Love you too,” Race called, stepping into the elevator at the end of the hall and he was gone. Spot closed the door behind him, retreated back to their bedroom, and started working on a paper on his laptop.

He received texts from Race throughout the night, each one bringing a smile to his face as his boyfriend complained about literally everything under the sun.

 **From Race:**  he’s wearing cargo shorts save me jesus

 **From Race:** oh my god he just ordered a beer and told the waitress, and I quote, ‘it tastes better on a glass so don’t you dare bring it in the bottle’

 **From Race:** well he bought me a drink so that’s a bonus I guess

 **From Race:** I miss you, this asshole just reminds me of how picky jack is when we all go out

Everything seemed to be going fine with updates every fifteen minutes or so until a little over half an hour passed without a single word.

Spot was sure it was nothing. Besides, he kinda felt bad for the guy knowing Race was basically on his phone the whole time from how often he was texting him, but that quickly disappeared.

 **From Race:**  so he just told me he made up the whole thing about his mom just to get me to go out with him

 **From Race:**  I’m just going to pretend like I don’t care, go to the bathroom and get the check as soon as I finish my drink. I love you, I’ll be home soon

Spot groaned, running his hands through his hair and closing out the extra real estate tabs on his computer. Oh well, at least they tried.

But then more texts came.

 **From Race:** spot I’m scared I really don’t feel good

 **From Race:** he offered to pay the tab and before I knew it he was shoving me into his car

 **From Race:**  baby I’m so scared I can’t move very well I think he’s taking me back to his place

 **From Race:** i’m so sorry sean I’m sorry I love you so much I’m sorry

Spot walked back into their bedroom with a bag of popcorn in his hands, set it down on his desk, and grabbed his phone, opening his texts from Race as his blood ran cold.

No. No, no, no,  _fuck no_.

Not his boy, not Race,  _never_. He choked back tears, grabbed a jacket, his keys, and was running out the door in seconds.

He had no idea where he was going the moment his car pulled out of their building’s parking lot. Still, he drive until he was stopped at an intersection, pulling out his phone and frantically searching for any source that could track Race’s phone.

He found an app, knowing it was linked to his own phone’s account, quickly signed out and began inputting Race’s information. Sadly, the light turned red and he had to stop, taking a few more turns before the traffic started up again and he was finally logged in.

The tracker was slow, probably because Race likely urned his phone off, but he eventually got a location; an apartment almost half an hour in the opposite direction.

At that point he had tears streaming down his cheeks as he gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles turned white, taking as many backstreets and topping off the speed limit for any chance to get their quicker.

Everything felt wrong, it was as if every part of his body was screaming at him to do something, but he couldn’t do it. Still, once he reached the last intersection before the apartment complex, he simply pulled his car over to the side of the road and ran. He ran up the stairs, knowing that there was no way he would wait for an elevator, and he was nearly certain he was about to vomit as he found the room, staring at the slightly-agape door before slamming it open.

The place was just like he imagined, unkempt, sparse, and with an air of what Spot could only describe as hell.

No, he wasn’t scared of this guy. He never got scared of fights.

However he was absolutely  _terrified_ of what he might find.

He wanted so badly to just burst through every room until he found his boyfriend, but there were other problems, namely the one standing right in front of him.

“You,” he hissed, charging at the guy who looked utterly perplexed as he turned around. Still, there wasn’t much time for that  before an awful cracking sound erupted from his jaw aw Spot made the first blow. The guy went staggering backwards, clutching his face as Spot simply swung from the other side. This tended to be one of the only times being ambidextrous came in handy.

He was just so  _beside himself_  that this man thought Race was his to do what he pleased. That he could just take someone like that, but Spot didn’t care what he thought because in minutes he was out cold on his apartment floor and Spot’s bloody knuckles meant absolutely nothing to him.

Instead, he needed to find the one thing that  _did_ matter.

And there he was. Spot swung open the closest door to him and that was all it took. There he was. Spot could hardly believe it as his feet carried him to the bed where his  _beautiful, broken boy_  laid motionless. His face, though consumed by unconsciousness, was full of terror and the tear tracks dried onto his cheeks only made Spot’s fall harder.

“It’s okay, baby. I’m here now, I got you,” he whimpered, sliding his arms carefully around the boy’s bare body, taking a bedsheet from the bed and deciding not to waste any time trying to redress the boy in his clothes that littered the floor. He thought about taking them with him, but knew there was no way in hell Race would ever put them back on again, so he let them be. However, he did notice the boy’s binder laying on the ground, which he knew he definitely would want as he picked it up, his heart dropping as he held the one long piece of fabric, a massive rip right down the middle.

He left it behind as well, scooping Race up bridal style and holding him tightly to his chest. The process to get him out of that building was nearly impossible as Spot could barely see through his tears.

The thoughts kept running through his head  _over_ and _over_.

_I did this._

_I let him go._

_I wasn’t there when he needed it._

_I couldn’t get there in time._

_I let someone hurt him._

_This bastard just hurt my baby boy and I couldn’t do a thing to stop him._

Spot gently laid Race down in the passenger seat, making sure he was completely covered by the sheet before climbing into the driver’s seat and practically speeding to the hospital. His hand held firmly to his boyfriend’s until he pulled into the emergency loading dock and carried him inside just the same.

It wasn’t hard to get someone to help them, in fact, it only took a minute or two before a couple nurses came rushing in with a bed and took Race from Spot’s arms, despite his initial protest. He knew he had to let go, but no matter who they were, he just…couldn’t stand it.

He followed close behind them throughout the whole process, explaining everything he knew to another nurse as the others frantically hooked him up to all of their systems. Spot could barely watch as he spoke the word he never thought he’d have to, and the nurse looked to the rest of the team.

“I-I’m pretty sure he was…r-raped,” Spot choked out, breaking down as he did, wanting nothing more than to lie down beside his boyfriend and hold him tight and never let go.

The nurse let him be and went to go order a test, but not before asking a few questions about Race’s…body.

“He’s trans, transgender I mean. H-he’s been taking testosterone for a few years now and his d-doctor says the he doesn’t have to w-worry about any, um, fertility or anything anymore,” Spot mumbled as quietly as he could manage, keeping his gaze set on his hands.

“Okay, well Mr. Conlon, don’t worry about a thing, we’re going to make sure he’s healthy and safe and then I’m sure he’ll be okay to go home in no time,” the nurse assured him as Spot nodded, thanking her briefly before curling up into the chair outside the boy’s room and waiting.

Waiting was torture. All he wanted was to see Race. To just  _hold him_  and make sure he was safe, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t for so, so long that he could hardly tell how long it had been when a nurse finally came out of the room and told him he could finally come inside. First, though, the nurse told him exactly what had happened, per Spot’s request. He wanted to know as much as possible just in case Race didn’t know. God, that was sickening itself just to think about.

He told Spot the drugs that were being flushed out of his system, and how the man must have used a combination of two different sleep supplements, not meant to be taken together, and that was why he would have to stay overnight, much to Spot’s dismay. Still, he thanked the nurse and hesitantly made his way into the room.

“Tony?” He hadn’t meant for his voice to sound so scared as he watched the boy on the bed look up at him with tired, terrified eyes.

He looked so small. Just the mere sight of him there was enough to shatter his heart into millions of pieces.

Race just curled in on himself and let out a painful sob as Spot ran to his side, sitting right beside him.

“Baby, I’m so sorry,” he cried, wanting nothing more than to just hold him until they could pretend their world wasn’t falling apart, but he wasn’t sure in Race would even want to be touched, let alone without him asking first. “I’m so, so sorry, ‘Tonio.”

Race just trembled as he curled the thin bedsheets around him as far as possible.

“Can I touch you, sweetheart? I promise I won’t hurt you, I would never,” Spot continued, pleading in his face that Race knew.

He felt his face unable to hold back a smile as the other nodded rapidly and Spot curled up to him tightly. His shaking body slowed slightly with Spot wrapped around him, his strong arms holding him tightly against his chest. Soft kisses were pressed to his neck and shoulders, each one easing Race a tiny bit more.

“I-I’m s-sorry,” Race whimpered before bursting into tears. Spot froze, sitting up so he could see the boy’s face properly. He shakily reached up to cup his cheeks, gently brushing away the tears as they fell.

“No, no, no, baby you don’t have  _anything_  to be sorry for, okay? This isn’t your fault, T. You did nothing wrong,” Spot spoke softly, repeating similar renditions of the phrases over and over until Race seemed to actually believe him.

“B-but, I’m  _broken,_ Spotty. I…I want to be okay, but I-I’m  _not_! I just can’t  _do it_!  **I-I’m not _okay_**!”Race’s sobs were like a stab to Spot’s heart as he wrapped his arms around the boy, letting him cry into his shoulder.

“Hey, listen to me and know that I would  _never_ lie to you, okay?” He started, feeling Race nod into his shoulder. “ **There is nothing wrong with you**. You’re still the beautiful, hilarious, dumbass I fell in love with and the same boy I will  _always_  be in love with. No matter what, I’m here forever, okay? I’m never letting you go as long as you’ll have me.”

Race just nodded, wrapping his arms around Spot’s torso as they laid back down together, Spot doing the same as he ran his hands gently through Race’s hair, pressing a kiss to his forehead as they fell asleep safe in each other’s arms.

They wouldn’t be okay in the morning. They wouldn’t be okay in a day or two. They wouldn’t even be okay when the man from that was finally arrested, but things got better. There was a long stretch of time when Race wouldn’t let anyone touch him. Except for Spot, that is. He had to hold onto Spot at all times. The two were inseparable after that, even more so than they had already been for years. They slowly found a way to manage, not quite move on, but they made it through. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to everyone for reading! i really hope you guys liked this and hopefully cried as much as i did writing this whoops
> 
> i really do love these two and hurting them makes me so sad but i thrive on angst so if anyone wants to see more stuff like this, feel free to check me out on tumblr @tony-higgins to see my fics before they're posted on ao3 or request your own! i take every prompt sent to me so anything(appropriate) is on the table!
> 
> once again, all kudos and comments make my day so if you don't mind, feel free to leave me a message or even just some constructive criticism! everything is greatly appreciated so thank you all in advance!
> 
> <3


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